As a survivor of 15 years of childhood sexual assault, Stefanie Michele created CSAST as a means of continued healing and a way to reach out to others who have also survived sexual assault. “To survive is our first priority. Now I want to teach you to thrive!”***TRIGGER WARNING***
There are countless reasons as to why I developed this sight. First and foremost was to prove to myself that I could. When I first began to tell my story, as an adult, it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I have always had very vivid memories of my abuse but trying to put those memories into words that would make sense was more difficult than I could have ever imagined.
I have seen many therapists over the years, mostly due to depression and anger issues. As a survivor I learned very young to keep my thoughts to myself and guard my words carefully, weighing all possible outcomes in response to what I said and how it was said. So even in therapy I never volunteered information. My thought was that the therapists were the professionals and that their job was to ask the questions and my job was to answer them. It was my 5th therapist, more than 15 years after the abuse ended, who finally asked me if there was any sexual abuse in my past. More than 15 years!!! Unbelievable!!! For more than 30 years I battled depression, suicidal ideation and what I now know is PTSD, alone.
One of the hardest issues for me to wrap my mind around was the implementation of medication. I so badly wanted to be “normal” but did not want to resort to medication to “make me normal.” Medication is not a “quick fix” and is certainly not an option for everyone. But once I embraced the idea that medication could at least make my day more manageable, it was the first step, for me, to accept who I was. I cannot rewind life and take away the abuse and I cannot erase it from my past, but I can learn to love myself and accept myself.
Another reason I have developed this site is to be another voice for the voiceless. I have a blog that you can access on the right of the screen. By reading my blog you can witness the day to day struggles I deal with in hopes that you will see that you are not alone in your journey. You have the ability to post although all posts go through moderation. However there are two other options at your disposal, should you wish a more confidential communication. On the “HOME” page you will find two links to an adult survivors Yahoo! group. Please feel free to apply for admission to the group, if you are declined a brief email will be sent to you explaining why. Also you can email me directly from the “CONTACT US” page.
I am available to speak to groups of any size and age in regards to Childhood Sexual Assault and my journey toward healing.
I look forward to walking with you through your journey of discovery and healing.
Blessings,
Stefanie Michele